This one's for Lacey

Okay so I told someone I would blog very soon, and so here I am!

We gave our apartments a 30 day notice to be out by January 1st and so we had a busy week preparing/moving after our trip to Utah. We left the apartment behind and moved in with Taylor's parents so that this next year he can focus on plowing through school and also getting well again. His family has been so wonderfully amazing about all of this! They even built a new room connecting to ours so that Mercedes could have her own little room. This family is amazing, let me just tell you.

It has been just wonderful so far and Mercedes is especially loving it. She gets a lot of time with Rosie the chocolate lab and Auntie Hannah whom she adores.

Last night we celebrated Taylor's youngest brother Thomas's 18th birthday. Taylor's parents took all of us to Buca Di Beppo's.
This is some of the group on our way there.

"Aw, face cake!" That commercial ya know? Have you seen it? Well it was mine and Hannah's inspiration for his birthday cake. It turned out very colorful and bright.
We got to eat in the Pope room. It was pretty awesome. And oh the food was delish.

It was a very fun night. Happy birthday Thomas!

Christmas in Utah

We quickly got better from our flu bug, (Taylor never caught it, THANK GOODNESS!) and off we went to Utah!

Mercedes was VERY excited for the flight. I kind of enjoy flights also. At least the short ones.

My sweet husband.

My youngest brother Slade was kind enough to give up his room for a week so that Taylor and I could stay in it.

Mercedes loved his toys.

Mercedes had her first experience with snow! Actually, this was about all we got this Christmas. A very light dusting. At least she got to see it falling through the air.

Taylor did A LOT of r&r, which was definitely needed.

This human being here is my brother Jordan. He just returned from serving a full-time mission in Chile. Ladies he is single.

As always I got to get together with my life-long best friend Lacey. Can you believe these two little creatures are our children??

We were just eight years old when Lacey moved into the house right across the street. We were best friends almost instantly. This photo of us was taken when we were maybe ten.

Now in just a handful of years our kids will be that age.

After the babies were in bed us and our hubbies got together to watch movies.

(Christmas day)

Preparing for dinner on Christmas Eve.

Christmas eve dinner.
Christmas morning was so strange because we had to get up for Church which was at 9 a.m! When we got back home we changed back into our PJ's and did the presents.
Mercedes got quite spoiled.
Here's my dad, mom and brother Morgan. (Also single, but preparing for a mission).
And here are my brothers Slade and Jordan. Unfortunately my brother Addison, sister-in-law Ana and their two boys were sick the whole time we were in Utah and so we didn't get to see them. :( Next trip guys!
It was a very fun Christmas! We took more photos but they are on our Ipad and I haven't removed them yet. These will just have to do for now.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and also a Happy New Year!

QUARANTINE

Thursday afternoon I walked in to get Mercedes up from her nap and found her throwing up. We were about to leave for an important doctors appointment for Taylor. Plans changed, Taylor's mom went with him while I stayed with sick baby.

Friday night was the last time she threw up. I was relieved when she made it through the night and the next day she was feeling better. Happy day!

My dad was in town for MTC work, I had been looking forward to the visit for weeks, but because Mercedes got sick we had to cancel. I hated knowing he was only 25 minutes away at my grandparents. Saturday night I sanitized everything and we planned to meet my dad at church the next day, where we would be able to spend part of the day with him before his flight home to Provo.

Sunday, 2:00 a.m. I'm in the bathroom, and I'm sick. So bummed, disappointed, frustrated, worried, etc. I texted my dad in the morning and told him we wouldn't be able to meet him. We'd just have to wait to see him for a couple of more days when we fly to Utah for our Christmas visit. I was still bummed though.

Now worry set in that we would maybe not make our flight early Tuesday morning. But more than that I was worried for my husband, who has a weakened immune system and just spent 5 days in the hospital.

I quarantined myself in the bathroom. Taylor's sister Hannah who had just gotten into town the night before came to take Mercedes with her to church so that Taylor could rest. We are so grateful for her and for the rest of our family.

For the next 24 hours I stayed in the bathroom. I realized something, and that is that you could actually survive in a bathroom for practically forever if you had to...as long as someone brings you food.

I began to see the humor in the situation. Every so often as I lay on my makeshift bed on the floor of the bathroom, my husband would bring me a snack, with face mask and all. We weren't taking any chances. If it weren't for the Ipad and the never-ending abundance of online streaming Netflix movies, I don't know if I would have been able to do it and stay sane.

My body was getting quite sore from laying on the floor, but I didn't want to bother sanitizing any kind of air mattress/bed that was being offered. All of the blankets I had would be thrown in the wash after I was done.

By late afternoon Sunday (yesterday) I was feeling much better. I decided to stay until the next morning, just as an extra precaution. This morning I woke up and noticed how comfortable the floor felt. "Hmm, that's strange." I thought. "Maybe this is how people all around the world are able to sleep on floors their whole lives." The day before I had been thinking about it and wondered how people in third-world countries and other places sleep on hard surfaces. Maybe their bodies always ache, I don't know?

I woke this morning, stuffed all of my blankets, pillow cases, dirty clothes, etc. into a plastic bag, I sanitized the bathroom, bathed, put on clean clothes and happy days I left the bathroom for the first time in about 30 hours. I felt like a new woman. Mercedes came into the hall and it was so wonderful to see her beautiful face!

I HATE hate HATE the stomach flu but one of the worst parts about this whole experience was listening to my husband and daughter the whole time from the inside of the bathroom and not being able to see them. Every so often Mercedes would knock or pound on the bathroom door and yell, probably wondering "why in the world is mommy staying in the bathroom?".

One of the sweetest moments during this experience was last night while I heard Taylor getting Mercedes ready for bed. I stopped my movie to listen. I could hear them on our bed, as Taylor read the scriptures to Mercedes and then had family prayer with her. My heart melted. I am so grateful for my husband, and I love him so much.

Today we are trying to get some rest and also prepare for our early departure for Utah tomorrow. We're supposed to fly out of Reno at 9:55 in the morning which means we're leaving our apartment at about 6:00 a.m. I keep praying that Taylor will stay well, both before we leave and after.

All I can say is, what a ride it has been!

Finally some pictures!

I'm so glad I remembered to take a few pictures while my mom was here this time. I did forget to get a picture of all of us in one picture. I guess that will have to happen over Christmas.

We can't help the weirdness when we get together.

Us in our pajama glory.

More weirdness.

Mercedes had so much fun with her Grandma Jenne. I loved having her here too.

I can't help feeling a little silly taking pictures of myself and then posting them but I just had to about my hair.

It just keeps getting shorter.

How does that happen?

I blame it on a short hair addiction, every time I go to get it cut I want it done shorter than the last time.

Plus I have the most fantastic personal hair professional stylist ever, and she is my sister. It's pretty awesome.

I have to admit it is very freeing.

Short!!!

It catches me off guard sometimes when I see myself in the mirror,

But I LOVE it. :)

Now for fall family photos.

These were taken just before Thanksgiving in Taylor's parents' backyard.

The colors on the tree were beautiful!

The whole Nelson family.

It gets bigger every year. :)

Sitting here on a Sunday morning

We're still in The ICU but things are getting much better and Taylor may even be moved out onto the regular floor today. He had no sign of a fever last night and that was wonderful. The nurse gave me the okay to sleep with him in his hospital bed last night. We were so happy about that and it also meant I was going to get more sleep than I was planning on. At five in the morning I let him have his bed to himself because he was starting to feel sore and needed to stretch out. I was able to get a few more hours of sleep in the waiting room and over all I was able to get almost a full nights sleep. That was a wonderful thing.

This morning I finished my dad's book 'Kia Toa' he wrote about five years back. It's based around his mission he served in the Cook Islands back when he was 19 to 21 years of age. I loved the book so much. Not only has it been a strength to me spiritually but it has been like having my dad right here with me strengthening me with his presence and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

This morning I'm feeling so touched by the spirit. A friend of mine (Kristin (: ) commented on my last post and she quoted something Julie B. Beck of the general relief society presidency said. In her talk she talked about someone who through her trials she didn't just get through it with her testimony, but that it was her testimony that got her through the trials she went through. Taylor and I feel this same way. Where would I be without this wonderful gospel which fills us with light and truth? And makes it possible to get through this mortal existence not only with extra strength and hope but the ability to still be happy through the worst of times.

There is a man in the room next to us who was in a car accident and all through the night we could hear the nurses telling him to wake up, and hang in there, and to not try to sit up because his neck was broken. I peeked throu our curtain and saw the man laying on the hospital bed with a brace on, cords and tubes going everywhere and some sort of ventilator on his face. Early this morning Taylor heard a woman outside the man's room crying. How I wish they had the comfort and strength we feel having the knowledge of the gospel.

I know that my little family is not alone, not only because we have numerous family members and friends doing everything they can to help us, but because I know that Heavenly Father is guiding us through this. And though at times I feel like I just don't know how to continue forward I know that that is when Christ picks me up and carries me the rest of the way. And for whatever reason, we're going through this to shape us into who Heavenly Father wants us to become. I am so grateful for this gospel and I know that it is true. I know that Heavenly Father loves each one of us on this earth, and more than I can comprehend. Being a parent and spouse has given me just a taste of what Heavenly Father must feel for his children. And it is beautiful.

2 Timothy 1:7

As I was sitting here next to my sleeping husband in the ICU I thought it would be a good time to write here on this blog. My emotions have been so fragile lately and I'm fighting to keep myself composed so I don't look like a mess to the nurses. As I pointed out, we are back in the hospital for a third time in just over as many months. With all of the complications of Taylor's ulcerative colitis and trying new medications to get him well he's seemed to catch some sort of virus or get some kind of infection. We're still waiting for results from the lab to tell us exactly what it is. A fever and chills is what drove us in here in the first place.

Two nights ago Taylor was transferred into the ICU because some of his numbers were up and they weren't coming down. Taylor's dad came and gave him a fathers blessing before they took him up. I am so grateful for the priesthood.

The nurse dropped me off in the waiting room so they could get Taylor settled in. I hated leaving him, he was so nervous. So was I. Later the nurse returned for me and I anxiously walked back and came in to see Taylor with a tortured expression on his face. Nurses were sticking needles in him left and right, his temperature was almost 103 and rising and he literally looked as if he was at his breaking point. He's been going through so much for so long. I hope I never have to see that expression on his face again. I stared to get dizzy as I watched him in pain and as I watched the nurses stick him over and over. They were having little success getting the blood samples they needed.

Time passed and his temperature rose to a high of 105.2. For what seemed like hours it wasn't coming down. I kept thinking "if ICU can't bring down the fever then what is going to happen?". As minutes passed I stared at the monitor watching his numbers and I felt so affraid. Around three thirty in the morning I felt like I was going crazy with worry. I went into the hall and called my mom who was awake in Utah. I broke down and told her how scared I was. I told her how scared I was for my husband and also how much I miss mercedes. She told me she would be flying out the next day. I was relieved to hear it and I felt a little strengthened. Later I slept a in a chair in the hospital room and as morning crept in his fever broke and eventually that along with his heart rate was within normal range again.

His fever returned last night but wasn't as high. His mom stayed with him in the night so that I could get a good nights sleep at our place and spend some time with Mercedes. My mom got into town last night and I am so glad she is here. She is at home with Mercedes now.

I keep feeling fear and worry overwhelm me as I sit and wonder "what next?". How long will he be in the hospital this time and how long can i last feeling like my heart is torn apart between being with my daughter at home and then being with taylor at the hospital. How long is this all really going to last? How many more days, weeks, months will it be before Taylor is well again? And I can't even imagine the worst. I love Taylor so much, he is the most amazing man. I need him always. I'm trying so hard to be strong for him.

Through all this I'm trying to keep an eternal perspective. Sometimes it's all I can do to keep from falling into despair. And then I try to think about how much worse it could be. I am so grateful I'm not in the middle of a pregnancy right now, I'm so grateful I have only one baby to miss rather than five little ones. I'm so grateful that we are living now rather than fifty years ago because fifty years ago colitis was practically a death sentence. I'm so grateful for doctors and nurses, hospitals and medical technology. Things could be worse, and I am thankful they are not. But this is still hard. I just have to remember that I'm not necessarily supposed to feel fear and despair. It is natural to feel and part of being mortal but Heavenly Father has shown us another way and i try to remember it. Life is better when we remember.

2 Timothy 1:7

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

I need to remember to have faith and hope, and remember that the Lord through the atonement knows exactly what our little family is going through. And because he has felt it I can trust that he can carry me and us through this. I am so grateful for this gospel and I am grateful for trials. As amazingly difficult as this has been, it has made me a different person, and I feel for others like I never have before. There is so much love in this world. There is so much charity and selfless service. To be on the receiving end has been a humbling experience and a blessing beyond measure.

The pixie is here!

I made the leap and cut it short. Thanks to my sis-in-law Christina now I have a fresh new look and it feels so good! I've never had it this short but I really love it. I'm still getting used to my reflection but it's so fun to have my hair this short. And the hubby LOVES it so that's always a plus. :)

Speaking of the hubby, the poor man has had it rough. Up until about two and a half weeks ago he was starting to feel pretty good, and he was feeling like he was really starting to get better. Out of nowhere he was hit hard two weeks ago with a flare up and has been feeling like he did through the thick of everything. He's back to loosing more weight (which he really can't afford), he's in a lot of pain, and most of the other symptoms which were starting to go away have returned. Back in the summer he weighed 205 lbs. NOW he's down to 166 lbs. That's not good. This has been pretty discouraging for us and we're trying to figure out why he's so sick again. He had a scheduled appointment with the GI specialist but it wasn't for another few weeks and so day after day we've been calling, trying to get a hold of the doctor and trying to somehow talk to him personally and not through the nurses, office aids, etc. I was really feeling like we were not getting help! FINALLY the doctor called my cell yesterday while I was getting my hair cut and after I talked to him for a bit I had him call Taylor who was at home. Apparently the doctor had an appointment set up for him to come in last Thursday, it was his last appointment of the day but nobody showed up. Guess what? NOBODY CALLED AND TOLD US ABOUT THE APPOINTMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE! And now the doctor is going to be out of the office for two more weeks and so we can't see him until two weeks from tomorrow. I was very VERY frustrated, to say the least. Well, he gave some doctorly advice for Taylor which will hopefully help until he can see him in two weeks. Ahh I'm still trying to blow off steam about the whole thing, and instead I'm trying to be grateful. This is not a perfect world, and especially when working with hospitals and doctors, it's not going to be the simplest thing.

More than anything in this whole world I just want to see Taylor feel well again. He's so tired of laying in bed and not feeling well. He has been through SO much. He is such a strong man through it all and he is also the sweetest. We're just trying to be strong, we'll get through this and soon he'll be well again. I just hope it's sooner, rather than later.